Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme

27

Apr

Girls, please don’t let your friends buy picnic pants. Yes these are real, and their official name “Pantalone Picnic” doesn’t make them any fancier.

Girls, please don’t let your friends buy picnic pants. Yes these are real, and their official name “Pantalone Picnic” doesn’t make them any fancier.

26

Apr

These pants should not exist period, much less in this size. 

These pants should not exist period, much less in this size. 

25

Apr

Um. This woman has an Easter basket woven into her head. No elaboration necessary. 

Um. This woman has an Easter basket woven into her head. No elaboration necessary. 

24

Apr

This girl doesn’t have any friends. But it’s probably because she is a prostitute and has slept with all her friends’ husbands and they don’t like her any more. 

Seen at the Britney Spears concert in Atlanta, submitted by Richard M.

This girl doesn’t have any friends. But it’s probably because she is a prostitute and has slept with all her friends’ husbands and they don’t like her any more. 

Seen at the Britney Spears concert in Atlanta, submitted by Richard M.

23

Apr

A woman, who I’m pretty sure is somehow related to Rebecca Black, has no friends to tell her she should have given up her dream of success as a singer way back when back when her frosted hair was still in style. Lisa Gail Allred found the drum loops and guitar tracks on Garage Band and made herself the star of her very own music video for her hit song “3 Second Rule.’ Judging from the shit I heard on the radio this morning, you can expect this song to be number one on the charts within a week. Can’t wait till the 30 somethings playing teens on Glee cover this shiz.

I’m not sure when this new obsession of enormous girls wearing minuscule shorts started, but as Americans we should demand that it stop now. Unless someone has a video of one of these women pouring herself into these shorts. Because I would totally want to watch that.

I’m not sure when this new obsession of enormous girls wearing minuscule shorts started, but as Americans we should demand that it stop now. Unless someone has a video of one of these women pouring herself into these shorts. Because I would totally want to watch that.

21

Jun

From top to bottom: the over-bleached hair, orange tan and the Ed Hardy dress with socks and what the hell are those? Water shoes, Birkenstocks?

From top to bottom: the over-bleached hair, orange tan and the Ed Hardy dress with socks and what the hell are those? Water shoes, Birkenstocks?

20

May

Today we have the rare opportunity of seeing a supermodel without friends. No one told Christy Turlington that her snatch was drooling with sweat at the gym.

Today we have the rare opportunity of seeing a supermodel without friends. No one told Christy Turlington that her snatch was drooling with sweat at the gym.

16

May

Her muffin top has a muffin top!

Her muffin top has a muffin top!

12

May

THE fupa of ALL fupas!

THE fupa of ALL fupas!